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Advice for Those New

We still remember our first events, so without trying to give expert advice, here's some "wisdom" of our experience. Take or leave it as you wish and whilst they're aimed at play parties, many equally apply to the social meet and greets. There is a wealth of information out there!

Come with an open mind. If you come with the simple expectation of a good night out you'll enjoy yourself all the more. Don't expect specific things to happen, but don’t be surprised if they do!

Nerves are normal. It's totally normal to be nervous; turn them into nervous excitement.

Dress and smell well. It's important to look and feel good. Collars for the guys, sexy dresses/lingerie for the ladies. Wear your favourite cologne/perfume. Wear what makes you feel sexy and confident. Honestly, we're not sure about guys in a thong, but if that's your thing wear it with confidence men! (please no Borat mankini's at non-themed parties though!)

Expect a sexual tension. Revel in the sexual feelings you may feel; it is after all a swingers event and you're amongst like-minded people. You'll find everyone is very open, friendly and willing to chat. Don't be afraid to raise sex as a topic or be surprised if you're asked about it.

Don't sit in the corner. It can be hard to put yourself out there; but make a move to chat to others. We promise they're not going to jump you or stick their tongue down your throat!

Avoid the no-no questions. Many swingers want to remain anonymous. Asking early in the conversation where they work, where the kids go to school etc is probably best avoided. Some swingers will be more open than others, but don't expect to learn everything about everyone there.

Discretion is key. No one wants their private business spread around the local area.  What happens at the party stays at the party.

Consent and respect is expected at all times. Ask before joining in; don’t be afraid to say no and if you want a situation stopped just say so. We've all done it and there is never a problem.  We're a self-policing group so if someone is being made to feel uncomfortable we promise it will be noticed and dealt with.

Expect the unexpected. You can expect to meet friendly, flirty couples and singles. At a party you're more than likely to see people fucking as a twosome, threesome or more-some. There may be toys involved! If it's not for you, that's fine, but remember we all have our own kinks and turn-ons, so no judgement (either way).

Talk to your partner before, during and after. Remember that your partner is the most important person there. Make sure you're 'on the same page in relation to what your firm and flexible boundaries are. Check in during the event, make sure you're both OK. Look out for each other. If you're a single remember we're always available to chat.

Be flexible. When starting out we had a list of 'rules' as long as your arm. Over time we bent, shaped and totally blew them away. Know what you are and aren't prepared to try, but make sure your partner is aware and shares them.

Give it a go. Don’t overthink and just enjoy the experience. It's totally terrifying thinking you may be getting near/nude with other adults. Even more so to think you may be watching/beside/playing with others as they have sex! OMG that is so totally not what society tells us we should be doing. If the time is right take a chance, dive in and give it a go. You may be surprised at how much you enjoy it.

You need to laugh. Not everything always works out. Positions, sounds etc.  Make sure you bring a sense of humour.

No drama. We've all had times where perhaps we've had a disagreement with our partner. If you're having a 'moment' feel free to head to a quiet area to work it out quietly. If you're freaking out come and grab one of us – promise we've been there and are happy to help you.

Don't get plastered. We may need a couple of drinks to loosen up, but a vomiting, unconscious party-goer is never a good look, at any type of party. Absolutely no drugs.

Treat the venue with respect. Remember we're guests at the venue and we really don't want to lose the bond or have the Police turn up due to noise. Please put condoms in bins, try not to spill the red wine and arrive/leave quietly out of respect for other guests.

We're here to help! Remember, as your hosts we're here to help, make you feel at ease, and walk you through any fears or questions you may have!

Are Nerves Getting the Better of You?

Yes, even we get nervous at times! Here's some of our thoughts.

As innocuous as it may seem, nerves (which are natural) leading to overthinking can cause your night to take a turn for the worse such as:


  • You worry about what's going to happen

  • Paralysis by analysis meaning you sit in the corner all night

  • You're stressed about what others think of you (we don't)

  • Pessimism, which can lead to your worries coming true

  • Ruminating on what's happened in the past

  • Nothing happening

  • Performance problems

It's natural to be nervous, but overthinking can lead to a poor experience. Dealing with Overthinking:

  • Recognise you're thinking and procrastinating

  • Instead of dwelling on what can go wrong, think about what can go right. Live in the moment

  • Take a deep breath (yes we know you've heard it before, but it does really work)

  • Look at the bigger picture - you're not the only one nervous

  • Do something nice for someone else - walk up and kiss your partner sensuously - you're in this together so take time to connect

  • Acknowledge your successes - "I'm genuinely excited I was brave enough to come here - and I’m so turned on by what's happening around me."

  • Find an alternative to negative thoughts. For example, instead of, “This is going to be an epic failure,” try, “I’m going to have such fun with my partner and the others here as we push society's boundaries.”

  • Embrace your fears - We all have them; turn fear into excitement and take action into the unknown!

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